The brown eye won't let me do that either.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
