We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
