Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
