I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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