you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
