Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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