Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
