don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
