Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my shit smells like andre
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Never underestimate the power of titties
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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