Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
