just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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