I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
