she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
