You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
