someone get that fucking seahorse.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My cat gives me a boner
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
