Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
