mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
