There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
