she looked like the bat from fern gully.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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