We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
