wrigley field is MILF paradise
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
