After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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