Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
