Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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