It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I understand Curling. That high.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
What drink are we having for lunch?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
