do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
