Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
