I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
