i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
