So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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