do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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