in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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