Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
