ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
