what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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