i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
