Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
