there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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