there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
