I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
