yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She even gives head with a lisp.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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