So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I am puke
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
