Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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