Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
