my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
