I accidentally burped into my bong.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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