I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
