halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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