theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
