uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
