I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
