and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
