I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
